I have a new tattoo. Really new and it's on my arm. My first one on on my arm and of course and predictably I am freaking out after the fact. Naturally, I can't change any of it and i know it's permanent and all of that but of course I get all nervous about things and wonder if I haven't just made a terrible mistake and am having a weird reaction to the fact that i turn 42 in less than a month. I don't really know why but the thought of it is making me feel all jumpy. Lately I can't concentrate. I can't do anything. I have to get my finances sorted for university which starts in a week right and I can't even bring myself to find the form. I want to run away again. I hate the idea that I have to stay put for the next two years. That I have made this choice to finish my degree - that in itself is so counter to my nature. Which has nothing to do with getting another tattoo and everything to do with it...
Related but entirely unrelated is the fact that I have to rewrite my short story again. I reread it again last night. God, every time I rewrite it I think I've nailed it, but then I reread it and I know I haven't. Then I get all depressed and shitty and want to give up writing for good and I spend time looking at airfares and planing where I could go. And I come to the conclusion that anywhere of course would be better than here even though my limited skill base would actually mean the type of work I end up getting wouldn't pay above minimum wage. Even more depressing... The best I can come up with is some kind of loose plan to go away for my holidays. I have a month between semesters and I think I might go to New York, maybe LA although I kind of loathe LA because of the need for a car and I don't have any desire to drive in that city at all so it kind of screws it up for me in a way. I don't know. Vague plans made by a vague mind....
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